


Feeling of Your Arms

by cosy_lights



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, but mainly internal angst tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 06:54:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21387955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosy_lights/pseuds/cosy_lights
Summary: Ben wished that he could restart. He wished he could be perfect, just for Callum, so he could have the person he deserved. But he knew that could never be him.In which Ben and Callum have a disagreement about Callum wanting to join the police, but Ben ends up opening up.(Title from Fallingforyou by the 1975)
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 1
Kudos: 72





	Feeling of Your Arms

Callum had asked Ben why he was so against him working in the police, and they argued so much that day. It had started off with talking, then moved quickly to irrational shouting. Ben repeatedly said stuff that he hadn’t meant, and he could feel little parts of the fire inside him burning out each time he saw the hurt flicker in Callum’s eyes as he spoke. Then there was crying. Both of them opened up entirely, sharing their real thoughts as it all spilt out without warning. Ben had watched his boyfriend’s sad eyes as he shared with him how messed up he is, as he shared the story of the evil, psychopathic criminal that everyone but Callum seemed to see in him. And as he did, he wished that he could restart. He wished he could be perfect, just for Callum, so he could have the person he deserved. But he knew that could never be him, and it was breaking him down inside.

Making an assumption, before everything, Ben had thought that sharing the dark depths of himself would be the last straw that made Callum run for the hills. He had expected to watch fear fill his eyes as he realised just what type of man he had been dating, and to be kicked out on the spot to never see Callum again. Realistically, how could he ever stick around knowing the man he loved hated him so much? He supposed that he’d have to leave Walford again.

What he hadn’t expected was for Callum to hug him tight to his chest, holding the back of his head like he was some sort of fragile object. Ben had continued to cry, but Callum’s voice made an honourable attempt at soothing him.  
“Hey, it’s ok, I’m here. I’ll always be here”. 

And what he really hadn't expected was to be lying in Callum’s bed a few hours later, being held as if he was being protected from the world. He was securely tucked under his arm, one of his hands round his waist and pulling him close, the other softly on his neck and the side of his face. Ben would’ve been lying if he said he had ever felt that safe before. His eyes brimmed with tears.

“How are you still here?” he whispered into the darkness.

“Hm?”

“Thought you was gonna want me to go after I said what I did, I thought you was gonna hate me. But you’re still here.” Ben looked up with sad eyes, feeling so small that he felt like he was a small child again.

“I care about you too much to let you go,” Callum said, sincerity coating his words, “You saved me from a life of hating myself, and now I have this life that I love with you. All I want is for you to feel safe.”

“And I do, I always do with you”

Callum smiled a bit then, a small curl of his lips as he heard what he had managed to do for his boyfriend. He knew then that there was something else he needed to share and that now was the time to do it.

“And all I want for you to know is...” started Callum nervously, one hand cupping Ben’s cheek carefully, “is that....”

He saw the wide, slow blinking eyes watching him and knew he had to spit it out.

“I love you.” he finally said, and he watched perhaps the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen form on Ben’s face.

“I love you too.” Ben had replied, cuddling even further into his boyfriend’s side. He knew he was safe, and that they were here for each other. They would always be here.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I’ve written in like 5 years so please bear with and be kind, and also sorry it’s so short. Hope you enjoyed!


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